A Joke A Day Ministries Daily Encouragement 08/22/98
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Dad: Son, what do you want for your birthday?
Son: Just a radio, dad, with a sports car around it.

The girl asked her lover, "Darling, if we get engaged will you
give me a ring?"
"Sure, " replied her lover "What's your phone number?"

Young Man: Would you like to dance with me?
Young Woman: Do you expect me to dance with a baby!
Young Man: I'm so sorry. I didn't know you were pregnant.

If a man is bald at the front, he is a thinker. If he is bald at the
back, he is sexy. If he is bald from front to back - he thinks he is
sexy.

A man went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and asked,
"Doctor, will I be able to read after wearing glasses?"
"Yes, of course," said the doctor, "why not!"
"Oh! How nice it would be ," said the patient with joy, "I have been
illiterate for so long."

The boss came early in the morning one day and found his manager kissing his
secretary. He shouted at him, "Is this what I pay you for?"
The manager replied: "No, sir, this I do free of charge."

A wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and
said, "Do you see that couple? How devoted they are?
He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?"
"I would love to," replied the husband, "but I don't know her well
enough."

A priest, seeing a blank signboard hanging on a lamppost wrote upon it:
"I pray for all."
A Solicitor wrote underneath: "I plead for all."
A doctor added: "I prescribe for all."
A simple citizen wrote: "I pay for all."

Wife :  you delivered an excellent speech.
Hubby :  Thanks dear, but the audience was full of fools & idiots.
Wife : Is that why you addressed them as your brothers & sisters?

After a dinner speech, the speaker scolded his secretary:
"Why did you write such a long speech for me?  You saw how those
people were feeling bored!" The secretary replied, "Sir, it wasn't a
lengthy speech at all; but I did make one mistake- I gave you all 3
copies of the speech."

A Rotary visitor to Japan told a joke lasting 2 minutes.
The interpreter then translated using only a few words. Everyone
laughed. Afterwards the visitor asked the interpreter how he
translated such a long joke so quickly. "Well, I didn't think
they would get the point, so I said, "Our guest has just told
a joke. Everyone please laugh."

A man with a banana stuck in his ear and a green bean stuffed up
each nostril walks into the doctor's office.
The doctor looks at him and asks what he can do for him.
"Doctor, I just haven't been feeling well lately."
"Well, I can see you are not eating right."

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                                              Thought for the Day
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                        God's Man At Bearcat Tool And Die (Part 3 of 3)
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        Thursday afternoon, his resolve was tested again. He glanced up to see
"Gap" Weatherman slip a company micrometer into a battered lunch box. Gap had
worked at Bearcat longer than anyone. When he grinned, his missing front tooth
and furrowed face reminded Bill of a jack-o'-lantern. Gap would give you the
shirt off his back, but he was stealing the company blind. Every month or so
expensive drill bits and tools would disappear. The men even joked about it
when the foreman wasn't around.

But this time Bill had seen him do it. Gap had caught Bill's gaze. "You won't
tell no one, will you, Billy?"

Bill was mad. It's one thing for someone else to live in darkness, Bill
decided, but he's got no right to make me live there, too.

The boss made it easier. Friday morning, he pulled each of the machinists
into his office to ask about the missing tool. "Know anything about this,
Bill?" Bill couldn't--no, he wouldn't--dodge the question. Gap was fired after
17 years with Bearcat.

Gap made no secret of who had ratted on him. Bill was treated to a day-long
parade of obscenities and ugly sneers. "You ____ snitch! You messed up Gap's
life. Who'll give the old man a job now?"

At break time, when Bill wasn't around, the men hashed over what he'd said.
"I didn't go squealing to the boss," Bill had told Loren. "But when he asked
me point-blank where that micrometer went, I couldn't lie to his face. Ever
since I was a kid, I've been lying my way out of things. No more! No matter
how hard, I've decided to tell the truth."

Though he hadn't used Jesus' name much in his witness so far, people were
beginning to see Jesus' character in sharper focus.

Eventually, the men let up a little. At least they no longer went out of
their way to make life miserable for him--except Forester. Forester was
determined to get rid of him. Every part Bill ruined, every mistake, got
reported to the foreman in the worst possible light.

It was love, though, not righteousness, that eventually changed the man.
Forester's little girl, who had been hit by a car in May, was having her fifth
surgery to repair a shattered leg.

As Bill drove home from work one afternoon, the boy at the stoplight shouted
through the open window, "Flowers! Flowers, sir?"

Bill turned, then chuckled. "Yea," he said. "A dozen carnations."

As he entered the room, Bill could see Forester sitting next to Lora's
hospital bed, holding her hand. Forester looked up when Bill coughed. "I just
stopped by for a minute to say 'Hi' to Lora," Bill muttered.

When he handed the bouquet to Lora, Forester stood awkwardly and took hold of
his hand. "I ... I don't know what to say."

After that Forester never walked by Bill's machine without a wave and a
smile. His eyes even glistened a bit when Bill told him the church had been
praying for Lora. And when Bill invited Forester, he came on Sunday with his
wife and kids.

It seemed worth it all the day Forester and his family were baptized. Just
before the ceremony the minister asked Forester to tell how he had come to
Christ. Forester's booming voice reverberated throughout the church, but this
time there was no sarcasm:

"It was my friend Bill. He wouldn't quit. No matter how much I hassled him,
he just hung in there." Bill felt himself turning red, but Forester continued.
"I could see he really cared. He's kind of like a company 'rep', you
know--God's man at Bearcat Tool and Die."

By Dr. Ralph F. Wilson

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Ted Cashion

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We, at A Joke A Day Ministries, are here to get you over that hump of a ho-
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like to remind you of the hope you have in Jesus and the endless love He has
for you. And bring you a little humor to help kick- start your day. Everyone
needs that!  So be sure to share us with everyone you know and they'll be
thankful for that little extra push to keep them going!
 
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